Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
