You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
