you would pick up someone in the library
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
