I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
His nipple licking is glorious
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