I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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