So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
