And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize