capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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