I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
