i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
