I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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