i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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