Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
