I want to stick my p in your. b.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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