He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
