You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize