is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
third nipple confirmed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
