i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
50% drunk capacity currently
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize