I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
