i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
