I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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