tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize