life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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