...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
