I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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