Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
