I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
