so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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