I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize