great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
