I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
