:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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