How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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