xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
