I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
