We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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