it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
where are my eyebrows?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
