When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
