I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize