Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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