I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
