$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is Oprah even human
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
