Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
