some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
