No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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