I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
