I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I forget how to act sober
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