"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
