i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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