Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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