I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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