Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
