I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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