i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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