So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
