You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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