I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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