Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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