there's paper in my vomit.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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