I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
