I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Even my vagina gasped.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
