guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize