I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
