Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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