worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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