it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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