Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's like heaven, but drunker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
