if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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