so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
