He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
