like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize