Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
