I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
