Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
