I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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