Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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